it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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