you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
