I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
