You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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