I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
