I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
