Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
