I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
