my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
