Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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