Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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