i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
