life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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