Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
