but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
