Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize