i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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