i wish there were pregnant emoticons
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
