I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
