You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
