You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
