WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
