who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
