Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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