I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
