Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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