that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
