Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
