just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
