I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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