so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
