you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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