He uses pillows to masturbate.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
