just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
