I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
