Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I touched a dick in church today
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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