FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
