my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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