it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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