Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
