Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
