I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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