just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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