I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
