How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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