Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
