Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
