did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
