do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
