I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
