Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize