who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
