xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
