She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
