im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
