I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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