This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
