I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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