Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
