I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
