So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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