i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
