Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize