I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Randomize
