Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
