i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Can you bring me the toilet please
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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